This blog is also published on Lion Hearts and Leeuwenharten
Current news, June 6, 2022, you can also read this Bild article.
Sometimes you don’t write a blog for fun, but because you have to. To chase the darkness away. From the Cosmos, with Love.
After Rob Nanninga‘s death I started to think: is there still a soul mate of Rob and me on the earth? Since Rob and I started with the Darkwood neofolk music-wise, my mind started to fan in that direction. Could it be that Henryk Vogel from Darkwood was our soul mate? The impact of the isolating pandemic made me extremely lonely and made this hermit crawl out of her shell. I started addressing him almost exclusively on Darkwood’s Facebook Messenger. Then something very strange began to unfold. He didn’t answer for a whole year. To my delight, a “seen” eye with date and time of seeing appeared on Facebook every now and then, but not anymore towards the end. Incidentally, these Read statuses can be circumvented with all common social media chat programs by adjusting preferences in the settings. I only received a substantial response once, when I actually forced him to respond by placing an ‘impossible order’ of Darkwood shirts in size and color, and I did that on purpose so he had to respond. I received a polite yet very sparse and in fact incomprehensible response about my Rob Nanninga and soulmate ideas.
In addition, I started and maintained the @Notwendfeuer Twitter account from February 2021, and I emailed him about this. I offered to be his free California PR representative. To this end, for example, I had already seen his Google Info box unattended and I gave him tips (most of it per Facebook Messenger) how to handle this, because I have experience with it. I wrote to him that he just had to upload his ID and then Google would give him permission to send content suggestions to Google at will. I reassured him, if he needed reassurance, that Google would delete the ID data immediately after inspection. I also offered that I would do it for him if he would authorize me. There was no response at all, but my cosmic pistachio regarding his energetic response to uploading his ID to Google strongly picked up on the fact that according to Henryk Vogel of Darkwood & co I had now said that there are great fires burning all over the moon and there are green men dancing around it. All of this took place in exactly one year, from November 2020 to the exact same day in November 2021.
But the Fates were frantic, because that other Henryk Vogel, also in Dresden, did respond. I found him on LinkedIn, thought he was Darkwood’s, and his thumb-sized photo could pass for the other Henryk Vogel. With him, the Cosmos had already built in a Lightbox from the beginning. I will refer to Henryk Vogel of Darkwood in this blog as Mister Dark, to clearly distinguish the two HVs. Soon Henryk and I were virtually high and sexy flying through the sky together, “We hit it off”, you could easily say. But, afraid I did not dare to ask him: “Are you Mr. Dark?” and I hadn’t gotten beyond Darkwood suggestions in general and Henryk, who really had no idea, didn’t react to that, he simply overlooked it, he’s a busy entrepreneur and it just didn’t trigger anything for him. But was he Mr. Dark? I don’t need to give a spoiler alert, because the answer is already in the previous blog. No he is not. And even with the few selfies Henryk gave, I wasn’t sure. Read the previous blog for this. For Henryk and me, a new, much more difficult time began once the towering misunderstanding was on the table. A few months of silence followed between us.
But because Mr. Dark persisted in his silence, I kept trying. I want to understand things to the core. I thought: maybe he is extremely shy, after all you don’t know with (music) artists? But no. And then I started coming under a very dark spell, the spell of the Darkwood eye. That this is certainly not a light-hearted story for me, can be seen from the following: I don’t even dare (I don’t want to, anyway) to post a photo of that eye here. See the Facebook page. I’m not going to say that I was seriously mistaken, that should become clear in a moment, but I think there is a reason this happened, so possibly the ‘mistake’ has a very good result, eventually, when all is done, yes? I started writing to him regularly on Facebook Messenger. I had obviously put on my big rose-colored glasses, I was only seeing, only wanting to see well in Darkwood, even though Henryk, now also aware of his shady namesake, had already given me hints about far-right folk music and Nazis. It just didn’t want to go in with me. Almost my entire life has passed in exactly a year per Facebook Messenger, including intimate facts and then some. I also sent pictures and videos of anything and everything, including myself, but Mr. Dark remained silent. And Henryk and I had to reinvent the ‘we’.
In July 2021, inspired again by Darkwood, I had a photo shoot of yours truly as Russian WWII Night Swallow done by the fantastic photographer Mayumi Acosta in Sacramento and again I sent Mr. Dark a faithful message in the form of photos and the video. Silence again became my part.
Promoted again by the loneliness of the pandemic, I let people on Twitter enjoy my Darkwood activities for a year. All my Twitter accounts were open and were therefore also visible to Darkwood. I was also very enthusiastic about the Darkwood Twitter account created by me and I made sure that Mr. Dark was informed of every step of the way, via email (the two Darkwood addresses darkwood@darkwood.de and info@heidenvolk .de, no public secret, are on his two websites darkwood.de and heidenvolk.de, so no doxing) and also via Facebook Messenger.
Then there was that many-months-long case of my book gift to Darkwood. I had a nice book and wanted to send it to him. I twittered wildly, really everyone was able to enjoy it, and for the public the first shipment to the PO box address complete with clickable USPS tracking. What happened? My first attempt turned out to be in vain. USPS was going crazy in Dresden, but couldn’t find Mr. Dark at the PO box address that’s been on their website for decades. The book came back with lopsided legs. Mr. Dark didn’t condescend a single word, not even to say something about the broken PO Box address. Everything was clear for him to follow at all times, both publicly and through his Facebook Messenger and the emails I sent him every now and then.
So now I had another address, the sender’s address printed on every Darkwood order: Hermannstr 4, Dresden. And because I see this as a public address, I don’t see this as a public secret, after all, that’s where all ordered things, at least officially, come from. The fact that I mention the street address is therefore again not doxing as far as I am concerned. The same USPS tracking ritual began again. The diligent USPS pawns scrambled around for Mister Dark who again proved untraceable. The book came back again, this time with its legs hanging down and its tail between its legs. My misunderstanding grew. Twice over $38 in shipping is not nothing, but what was going on here? Again I emailed him for clarification, which again did not follow. And every now and then I’d email him screenshots of my Facebook messages, just to make sure he at least knew I was ‘talking’. SILENCE.
I then asked Henryk, who also lives in Dresden, very sweetly, carefully and politely if he would please, pretty please with cherries on top, go to Hermannstr 4 in Dresden, the indicated Darkwood address. Henryk was so sweet and took some pictures and came back with the humiliating sentence:
“Da wohnt keiner.” “No one lives there.”
When I saw his photos of the house, I was shocked: the huge, very dated mansion, dilapidated and well, was indeed glaringly empty. There was no house inscription, the nameplate was soulless. No Mr. Dark lived here unless he was hiding behind the upper right window! More clear this time, also by email, I asked Mr. Dark for an explanation. But still: SILENCIO!
Fast forward to November 2021. Darkwood gave several performances and with the third announcement of yet another one, I decided to go. Because of his silence I had continued to write uninhibitedly and I also gave my impressions of him and the group. I had had very strange dreams, and one of them led me to the suggestion that Darkwood seemed to have a dark track record, but not as in track record of music. Hey, it’s a dream isn’t it, don’t sue me. Following on from this, I once teasingly called him “Sex killer” on his Facebook Messenger. I just said whatever came to my mind, but I meant absolutely nothing bad by it. These disturbing dreams came especially when the end of my Darkwood spell was approaching, in the fall of 2021. I also had a very curious short dream that I was near the house, the Hermannstr 4, it was in the evening atmosphere, I saw something lying on the street and bent down and, to my great surprise, found a stack of Nazi banknotes, neatly held together by a ribbon. At the time of the dream and also after awakening, I had no idea whether this really existed. Now it turns out that this Nazi paper money did indeed exist, and yes, that’s what it looked like when I think of the dream. And, after the two unsuccessful book shipments, and he did not assist me in any way (or reject), I said that I would come to his concert and also mentioned that I also wanted to take pictures of the Hermannstr 4. I still didn’t realize the potential seriousness of the situation, joking that he could come and meet me with a knife if he wanted, but now I wanted to know what was up with this house. In my heart and mind I am a researcher, just like my dad. But mind you, I did everything with respect and with complete approachability, with the also outspoken idea: you are our (Rob and my) soul mate, I can have everything from you. However, dark clouds gathered, because it turned out that ‘the love and being able to have it all’ were not mutual.
Leaving out all the details then the following happened (I have proof for everything, but I just can’t and don’t have to in a blog I try to keep concise). To my great joy, on September 22, 2021, Darkwood’s occasional band member and signed at Mister Dark’s Heidenvolk record label with, among others, his album “In Ruin” Terry Collia (American just like me, yes) appeared on my Darkwood Twitter, he followed me now! “Hooray!,” I thought, “will I now be admitted to the inner core?” And I reported this again on Facebook Messenger. With appropriate enthusiasm, I contacted Collia on LinkedIn (500+ contacts) with just one accompanying sentence during the much sought-after virtual handshake: “Can I ask you something?”. Very polite, isn’t it? I naturally wanted to ask why Mr. Dark kept silent. Bang boom! I didn’t receive a warm hug, Mr. Collia ran off like a hare. On the same day or the day after, he immediately deleted his profile pic from LinkedIn and his last name, no, this is not a joke! LinkedIn now only said: “Terry C” with the empty standard profile picture. His profile pic has only been back very recently, but his last name still isn’t. I thought: “???”. And Mr. Collia also instantly disappeared as a follower from my Darkwood Twitter account. For the first time my red alarm lights started flashing furiously.
I had ordered things seven times and often paid more than was officially required, set up a Darkwood inspired photo shoot, twice attempted an expensive book shipment to addresses that Darkwood still gives themselves, I had a more than beautiful Darkwood Twitter created, nothing but praise and golden frame for Darkwood, in the autumn also ordered two Darkwood albums because they were not available on the internet and uploaded them themselves on YouTube and made available to the public, again a message to Mr. Dark, kept him and them informed at all times and I was very nice and polite to Mr. Dark on Facebook Messenger at all times, what went wrong here?
With my full approachability I mean: I had given my name, he knew my address and telephone number (given everything and also placed orders seven times), I had sent my flight ticket details in full, my pension details ditto, really everything, so if he wished, he would have had ten options either to reject me or to come and get a bloody story from me. In short, Fair Play is my calling card. And then, or should I say, despite this, things were heating up a bit too much to the liking of Mr. Dark & co.
On November 10 and 11, 2021, it finally came to an extremely unsavory disquisition between him and me, but, mind you, I do not believe that it was only he who emailed me back, because the person who (also ) wrote, suddenly talked about “H who had taken things from the PO Box address”, to which I immediately emailed back alarmed: “Who is actually speaking here?” There was no answer to this.
What was the tenor of his/their answers? It immediately started out more horrible than horrible for me. The me who had kept him in the know for a year, wrote him the most intimate things, through normal and socially accepted channels: Twitter, his! two! correct! email addresses, Facebook Messenger, and immediately introduced me by my full name, also via the Roelof Hendrik Facebook page, now had to see this infernal sentence:
“Bist Du etwa dieser Roelof Hendrik, Du schreibst also unter falschem Namen.” “Are you this Roelof Hendrik, so you are writing under a false name..”
Really, the ground dropped from under me, and I fell, fell… But immediately I picked myself up again and emailed back extremely indignant, saying that I had introduced myself from the very beginning, completely self-faithfully lifted my entire baptismal cell, even my website carries the same life size Roelof Hendrik angel theme and my two Facebook pages are mentioned and linked on my homepage. If anyone can make me angry, it is by doubting my good faith! I wrote this back to him immediately. There followed only complete denial of any knowledge of all this.
But this complete denial, including any involvement in the Facebook Messenger story, is untenable. After all, all year long I had been sending things in various ways, through his/their Facebook Messenger too, for example also the link to my Kopspijkers gig (A famous Dutch TV show of the past), so that Mr. Dark could see what I had looked like in motion pictures, and that link got even dozens of times demonstrably clicks immediately after provision. Because this is a so-called unlisted YouTube link, which hardly anyone ever looks at, it can be stated with 99% certainty that this clicking was done by one or more Darkwood members. And every time I sent links to my Darkwood tweets, there were plenty and often direct clicks, which I could see in the Twitter statistics. Autistic traits, people, there’s no shame in that, I already said: there is a researcher in me. Let’s just say there’s a margin of error in there, but since this happened so often, it seems extremely unlikely that Mr. Dark missed all of my year-long jumping through blazing hoops for him and them as a group.
Mister Dark wrote:
“Deswegen werde ich jetzt auch noch weniger machen und Deine Sachen noch mehr ignorieren, denn ich kann mich nicht mit privaten Sachen beschäftigen und kann Dir auch nicht helfen, dafür habe ich keine Ausbildung.” “That’s why I’ll do even less now and ignore your things even more, because I can’t deal with private things and I can’t help you either, I don’t have any training for that.”
These sentences show the tenor, so he also suggested that I needed help. Yes, I do, well, I do now!, because my trauma over all of this is deep. And there’s also that sweetheart, Henryk, who, in fact, has also become a very unintentional victim. It wouldn’t have been necessary if Mr. Dark had just made it clear right away that he didn’t want to hear from me, but he didn’t, he was silent for a year! It wasn’t until November 2021 that I got my redemption from the most incredible and ghastly Darkwood spell that had run off with me.
Even more came to surface. His answers from those two days showed that his Facebook and Instagram are, according to him, only managed by two people besides himself. All my confessions had been lying freely on the Darkwood Market, and Mister Dark & co had not found it necessary for a year to properly warn me that what I said was not private. So again while I kept emailing him every now and then at two email addresses darkwood@darkwood.de and info@heidenvolk.de, just to make sure he knew I was talking to him on Facebook Messenger. I felt figuratively but also literally stripped of my clothes and standing naked on the Darkwood street. And I also have a strong suspicion who those two other Darkwood people are who (with red ears?) read things that were only intended for Mr. Dark. The readers of this blog can at least come up with one name, I think. The second person, so next to Mister Dark = X and … = Y, there’s the Z person, who my cosmic pistachio says could be found in this Darkwood clip, but that remains to be seen at some point. Also these two? people are to blame, they should have identified themselves to me as fellow readers. After all, just to be clear: for a long time the “Seen” eye appeared, meaning that my texts and images and so on had been seen. This too was denied by Mr. Dark, but I have several screenshots as proof.
For me, the energetic feeling of his emails was exactly that of the Tremor monster worms in the film with Kevin Bacon: Tremor’s monster worms that open their mouths, but unfortunately without the cheerful witticism of that film. Mister Dark and co (because who knows who actually wrote and watched) now claimed not to know the Hermannstr 4 address at all?:
“Welche Hermannstrasse, wo hast Du die Adresse her? Habe keine UPS Updates bekommen…?” “Which Hermannstrasse, where did you get the address from? Didn’t get any UPS updates…?”
Because I also have to inform you as a reader, I had my book shipment sent USPS track status copies to the Darkwood address darkwood@darkwood.de, both on the first and second attempt. I already said: dog fidelity, that’s my middle name. To which, now indeed very upset, I emailed back: “What, but that address is on all your own mailings!”, with proof of this immediately, namely a photo of all seven packages of the Darkwood shipments that I had kept, with exactly the same Hermannstr 4 address on each envelope. He & Co had nothing to answer for that.
There was something else really bad, he, or anyone else from Darkwood who was now ‘talking to’ me, casually claimed that I might be sending swearing emails to Terry Collia and that is why he immediately ran off on LinkedIn:
“Vielleicht wusste er besser als ich, was kommen würde, viele Mails mit Beschimpfungen von Dir – warum?.” “Maybe he knew better than I what was coming, lots of abuse emails from you – why?”
This is nonsense because I didn’t contact Mr. Collia at all after that one sentence on LinkedIn: “May I ask you something?”. And swearing emails or texts, that is certainly not my style and would, after all, overshoot all soulmate ideas. I did, in my opinion rightly so to be very indignant, but also damaged, wave with the prospect of a blog about this at Mister Dark, but only after reading his/their first reaction after a year.
Without exaggeration, this has been the most shocking experience of my entire life in terms of human miscommunication and abuse of trust on the part of the other(s).
I resolutely ended my Twitter activities from the Darkwood account, even adding some sort of cautionary text in my general style a little later and let the matter rest. And also told Henryk everything and gradually he and I could get some steam back, but it was very hard work.
The reason for the blog now follows. Four days before I was still to go to Dresden for two weeks – after all, the plane ticket had already been paid, and Henryk had agreed to meet up with me – the Cosmos intervened hard. I literally had my bags ready, but the cosmic hammer landed on the table. On Friday, November 19, 2021, I heard German politicians with very serious faces announce a German Lockdown light, which, yes, would go into effect on November 22, 2021, exactly one day! prior to my crossing from San Francisco Airport. The Cosmos had graciously given me three days to rebook my ticket. Pensions and hotels were no longer allowed to receive tourists! In my opinion, this was a clear case of Overruled! I hastily contacted Henryk again and together we came to a new date: from 10 to 24 April 2022. I also posted this date on my then open Twitter account, and it will still be there, and it also was visible to Darkwood members. I will open my accounts again as soon as this blog is published, so that anyone who wants to can search again. However, I have removed a part, I have been removing a part of my tweets continuously for many years, because I think Twitter badly lacks the “Story” function of Instagram and Facebook, but there have already been a lot of Twitter witnesses to all this. The long wait started, because I really wanted to go to Henryk now. But this time I say about the date: if the Cosmos agrees and no hindrance comes, as did the first time around.
More and more I got the feeling: I’ve known Henryk for a long time, he feels so familiar, his beautiful, powerful, clear voice, his completely light and rational being, his choice for the Light of this world, exactly the same slant as Rob Nanninga, his humor, his enchantingly beautiful nature photos. He had even once done something that Rob Nanninga had done in a similar way on TV for fun. Henryk knew nothing about it until the appearance of this blog: he had put his hands on his head like antennae and joked that he, thus, in this way, received things clairvoyantly. See Rob Nanninga vs. Rasti Rostelli. So I never told him this. And once he literally uttered a Darkwood song-phrase: “Mehr Schein als Sein”, “More appearance than reality”, also this completely spontaneous, and this when he talked about Darkwood, as always very reluctantly (because he doesn’t like dark things and doesn’t want to give them any attention), and this too seemed like a very clear cosmic hint that none of this is a coincidence.
I started putting together the clues that had been there from the first contact via LinkedIn and suddenly I saw us placed together in a great historic maritime event in 1816. If there is such a thing as this. This may be for a later blog! All the clichés aside, happiness and deep emotion washed over me when suddenly all the puzzle pieces fell into place and this clear image appeared. NOW I was sure. Mr. Dark had only prompted me to find Henryk. Dresden! That’s not obvious, is it! And possibly, while at it, to question a still obscure element, Darkwood. It’s up to the world to do something with this or not. And yes, from start to finish, Rob Nanninga is involved in this, As soul mate!
Now we are almost there, but now the Cosmos is also very crowding. The Sophie story:
What convinced me to come up with this blog? Although I had been outraged during and after mentioned unsavory exchange with Mister Dark & co and had been waving the possibility of a “blog with an investigative character” in their faces, but I really hadn’t known whether or not I wanted and/or had to do this. Until the end of January 2022, Sophie reported to me via social media (full name known to me, she and I have chosen this name). When we got in touch, she immediately started with a “dream about Rob Nanninga” that she had already had around autumn 2019, but with which she came “only now”, she didn’t know why herself. She often calls Rob Mister Nanninga, in that respect she reminds me of the “astral” Peter R. de Vries of 2014. Only in a few sentences of both Rob’s appearance and behavior in that dream, she painted the dream, and, even now that I re-read that, I immediately get the instant recognition: this is real, this is Rob. I save the content of her dream for a blog with a light (!) character, but with my knowledge of Rob Nanninga and my knowledge of people (gained through life experience) I immediately knew: this is good, very good. Sophie and I started talking in a very nice way, but time and time again, I was shocked when she kept coming up with very striking statements. She is, as it were, a very pure channel that deviates from the behavior of most ‘ringed’ people with their cultivated reactions. The unbelievable thing was that until very recently Sophie has read only one Lion Hearts blog, the last one, and that at my urgent request, because she hadn’t even done that yet. She knew me through my Parameter blogs and the Robbert van den Broeke story. She didn’t even know photos and videos of Rob Nanninga, she might have seen a photo of him in the distant past, but nothing else. Also, she didn’t even know anything about my Darkwood activities. I had intuitively asked her if she might want to make a drawing of Rob from that dream for me. To my surprise, she said, “Yes, I’m going to try it.” And then she didn’t want to read or see any more about all this, because she wanted her image from the dream to remain as pure as possible.
On February 15, 2022, she said on Signal, where we had moved our conversation, something so triggering for me that I knew from one moment to the next: Yes, the blog about Darkwood has to come. She wrote, completely out of the blue, I hadn’t told her anything about Darkwood and Mr. Dark and Henryk at all, she had only picked up that I was virtually dating a Henryk in Dresden: (I have her spelling, except for some punctuation, let alone)
This is bizarre! Bizarre. I think we can meet. wth I had some kind of campfire thing in front of me
Djeez can’t explain it in text. Wtf is going on. Sorry can’t explain it all in text.
Come to Dresden. I’ll give you a personal alarm if you want. (if that hendryk wants weird things). I don’t know what but something is wrong!
And she also said something about being in a public crowded space while meeting Henryk safely. I had already increasingly read her statements with a very alert eye, but at this moment a kind of bomb fell on me. Let’s put it this way, without revealing Sophie’s person here (that may come later, she says she’s not ready for that yet?): she has a very pure brain structure – similar to mine I think -, her dreams and impressions are not filtered by the standard social ‘desirability and feasibility’. I immediately made the connection from her statement about the personal alarm to Mr. Dark and quickly explained to her that there are two HVs, one light and one dark, and that she must have picked up on that confusion right away, after all: Henryk is a light being, a very sweet man, which, according to my updated understanding, certainly cannot be said about Mr. Dark. I also informed Henryk of this. The penny had suddenly dropped completely: I had been playing with fire, without my, through rose-colored glasses-looking, noticing. And that fire was the dark Darkwood fire. Rob Nanninga is there, through Sophie he has given a decisive impulse.
From the outset it was clear to me that I was working on ‘the Darkwood thing’ as a light factor in the light and dark battle that is currently raging on Earth in all its fierceness, only it had been crucial to position the chessboard and chess pieces in the right position.
To Be Continued.
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